Hot Dogs

 

A long time ago, when he was about six years old, his family was on a road trip.

They had stopped to get something to eat- hot dogs in cardboard trays.

They ate in the car because it was raining, and when they were done, dad tossed the empty containers out the window.

Having been told in school that littering was wrong, both he and his sister objected with righteous anger.

Their dad told them a story about a poor frog and mouse who were out in the rain, cold and miserable until little cardboard houses fell from the sky.

Guest Author Seamus

 

Good dog bad dog come here stay there cookie sit down lay down wait no try again

Best boy my boy fucking weirdo stop that drop that what’s in your mouth eww

What’s that no one’s there why are you barking please stop it’s a doorbell on tv

How do you know to bark at a doorbell we don’t have a doorbell is it genetic

Are you crazy leave the little old dog alone she doesn’t want to play with you

What’s in your mouth why do you have a frog in your mouth why is it in the house

Getaway

 

She was standing in line at the post office, waiting to pick up a package. There were two people in front of her, so she had time to look around.

She saw the box waiting to go out on the counter behind the service counter, and she stifled a gigglesnort.

She knew she was a terrible person, but she couldn’t help it.

When it was her turn, she nodded towards the box and said, “Guess someone finally gets to go out of town” and the clerk glanced at the box, then glared at her.

The box was marked ‘Human cremains’.

 

Fish

 

She didn’t want a fish.

Her friend said, “Take the fish. You need a fish.”

“I don’t need a fish. I have nothing to put it in.”

“She’ll be fine in a Mason jar.” The fish was a young female Betta.

She took the fish and named her Lutefisk, because she was sort of a matte white with a little blue here and there.

She was an unattractive fish.

A fish tank was purchased and set up, and Lutefisk ended up being a glorious beauty who flashed her fins like burgundy and navy lightning at the fish in the mirror.

Father and Son

 

He and his father had stopped talking to each other after his mother died.

The times he phoned his father, he spoke to a man who was disappearing into his memories.

Or, he was critical and overbearing, which was preferable since that was his natural personality.

Months turned into years, and he called less often because it was easier.

One day, his father called him from the hospital. He was belligerent because the doctors had told him he was dying and needed to stay hospitalized.

“I’m not dying in a fucking hospital. Come get me.”

“OK, dad.”

And he did.

House of Cards

 

You start with an A-frame, then build a tight horizontal wall of four around it, roofing the A-frame with two more cards supported by the walls, and repeat till it’s as tall as you want it.

The trick is to never use a brand-new deck.

That way lies tears and failure as the slippery, unused cards just slide off of each other. Even the first A-frame is impossible with unworn edges and shiny surfaces.

The older the deck, the taller and more stable the house. Slightly-ragged edges and cards dull from shuffling can be stacked into elaborate castles and fortresses.

Ball

The dog blinked at her, expectantly.

“Under the bed?” she asked, and he wagged his tail apologetically.

Sighing, she carefully lowered herself to the floor. With damage to both her shoulders, her knees and ankles, getting down was difficult, and getting up almost impossible.

Peering under the bed, she spotted the ball just out of reach.

Hauling herself up, cursing, she got a broom and repeated the exercise, knocking the ball out from under the bed.

Joyfully, the dog leaped in the air and bounced his ball.

She stood up in time to see it disappear under the bed again.