Fish

 

*a 200-word exception to my own rule

She introduced her new betta fish to people and told them, “His name is Dr. Wilson” and no one questioned it.

Because of course she did.

But there’s a backstory, as there usually is to every oddity.

Dr. Wilson was one of her bosses long ago, and he didn’t know it, but he had the honor of being one of only a handful men she trusted 100%. The handful was so small that only one of her three husbands had made the cut, even before the divorces.

Dr. Wilson was loud, blustery, brutally blunt and painfully honest. That intimidated other people, but she loved it. She knew if he ever had a problem with her, she’d know it because he’d confront her head on immediately. They’d work through it and it would be over. He’d never deceive her or stab her in the back while praising her to her face.

When their office was remodeled, she suggested getting a fish tank for the waiting room, but Dr. Wilson was adamant. “No goddamn fish tank.”

So, she got a small bowl for her office, installed a betta fish, and named it Dr. Wilson.

Every male betta would forever be Dr. Wilson.

Rose

 

Everything was brown and crisp here at the end of a very long and arid summer.

Spring and summer’s flowers were long gone and only the grasses remained; even those were bent over touching the ground. It was just too damn dry to be green and stand up.

Except for the one rose bush off to the side of the lawn.

It, too, had suffered from the drought, and the leaves were sparce and yellow, but once a week since early spring, it defiantly opened a single pink bloom that filled the entire yard with the heady aroma of beauty.

Hot Dogs

 

A long time ago, when he was about six years old, his family was on a road trip.

They had stopped to get something to eat- hot dogs in cardboard trays.

They ate in the car because it was raining, and when they were done, dad tossed the empty containers out the window.

Having been told in school that littering was wrong, both he and his sister objected with righteous anger.

Their dad told them a story about a poor frog and mouse who were out in the rain, cold and miserable until little cardboard houses fell from the sky.

Guest Author Seamus

 

Good dog bad dog come here stay there cookie sit down lay down wait no try again

Best boy my boy fucking weirdo stop that drop that what’s in your mouth eww

What’s that no one’s there why are you barking please stop it’s a doorbell on tv

How do you know to bark at a doorbell we don’t have a doorbell is it genetic

Are you crazy leave the little old dog alone she doesn’t want to play with you

What’s in your mouth why do you have a frog in your mouth why is it in the house

Getaway

 

She was standing in line at the post office, waiting to pick up a package. There were two people in front of her, so she had time to look around.

She saw the box waiting to go out on the counter behind the service counter, and she stifled a gigglesnort.

She knew she was a terrible person, but she couldn’t help it.

When it was her turn, she nodded towards the box and said, “Guess someone finally gets to go out of town” and the clerk glanced at the box, then glared at her.

The box was marked ‘Human cremains’.

 

Fish

 

She didn’t want a fish.

Her friend said, “Take the fish. You need a fish.”

“I don’t need a fish. I have nothing to put it in.”

“She’ll be fine in a Mason jar.” The fish was a young female Betta.

She took the fish and named her Lutefisk, because she was sort of a matte white with a little blue here and there.

She was an unattractive fish.

A fish tank was purchased and set up, and Lutefisk ended up being a glorious beauty who flashed her fins like burgundy and navy lightning at the fish in the mirror.

Father and Son

 

He and his father had stopped talking to each other after his mother died.

The times he phoned his father, he spoke to a man who was disappearing into his memories.

Or, he was critical and overbearing, which was preferable since that was his natural personality.

Months turned into years, and he called less often because it was easier.

One day, his father called him from the hospital. He was belligerent because the doctors had told him he was dying and needed to stay hospitalized.

“I’m not dying in a fucking hospital. Come get me.”

“OK, dad.”

And he did.

House of Cards

 

You start with an A-frame, then build a tight horizontal wall of four around it, roofing the A-frame with two more cards supported by the walls, and repeat till it’s as tall as you want it.

The trick is to never use a brand-new deck.

That way lies tears and failure as the slippery, unused cards just slide off of each other. Even the first A-frame is impossible with unworn edges and shiny surfaces.

The older the deck, the taller and more stable the house. Slightly-ragged edges and cards dull from shuffling can be stacked into elaborate castles and fortresses.

Ball

The dog blinked at her, expectantly.

“Under the bed?” she asked, and he wagged his tail apologetically.

Sighing, she carefully lowered herself to the floor. With damage to both her shoulders, her knees and ankles, getting down was difficult, and getting up almost impossible.

Peering under the bed, she spotted the ball just out of reach.

Hauling herself up, cursing, she got a broom and repeated the exercise, knocking the ball out from under the bed.

Joyfully, the dog leaped in the air and bounced his ball.

She stood up in time to see it disappear under the bed again. 

Ducks

 

He was just the old man sitting in the park.

Every day, he’d walk from his little house to the little park and find his favorite bench in the shade. The one that faced the pond with the ducks in it.

He’d read that bread was bad for ducks and felt bad about all the years he’d fed them bread. He hoped that none of them had died because of his misplaced kindness.

So now, he fed them frozen mixed vegetables, which they liked well enough, but not as much as they’d liked the bread.

He felt the same way.

 

Choices

 

It had been a really shitty few weeks.

Her husband had passed over three years ago, but she still missed him 24 hours a day and she suspected she always would.

Two of her dogs had come up missing. Her remaining dog was grieving- he hadn’t even chased a trailer as it left the yard, which was unheard of.

And her fish was dying. She was an old fish, but still.

As she finished chores, she saw it in the path.

It would be so easy to just…pull it.

But the sky was blue and birds were singing.

Maybe tomorrow.

Wind

 

She made her major scientific discovery when she was five years old.

She announced to her parents that wind is caused by the movement of trees.

Her parents chuckled and told her that wind is caused by (they had to look it up in a science book) the uneven heating of the Earth's surface by the Sun, which creates differences in air pressure. Warm air rises, leading to low pressure, while cooler air sinks, creating high pressure. The movement of air from high to low pressure results in wind.

Adults always made everything much harder than it needed to be.

Boots

 

His granddaddy said, “Always smack your boots upside down before putting them on in case something is hiding inside them.”

And religiously, he’d done just that. Never did have anything alarming fall out of them, just empty inside every time.

But he did it anyway.

He was cutting up an apple for a snack, trying to be healthy and all, when the knife slipped and he damn near cut his thumb off.

Shoving his feet into his boots to drive himself to the ER, he felt the sting of the scorpion.

And his granddaddy in heaven just shook his head.

Surveillance

At first glance, it was a stumpy dark gnome-like creature, but she blinked and turned her head, and it was just a squirrel sitting up on its little haunches.  It sniffed in alarm and scampered away.

Retrieving her wheelbarrow, she startled just a bit at the gigantic insect peering at her over the front edge, chuckling to herself when she realized it was just a clump of dirt, leaves, and pine needles. She turned away to lift the first feed sack into the wheelbarrow, and the “insect” was gone.

“That was a close one” the ‘insect’ hissed to the ‘squirrel’.

Sparkles

 

At first, she thought it was dew sparkling on the grass in the dark, but it wasn’t *quite* dew-like, so she took a few steps towards it.

Maybe little spiderwebs?

She shooed a mosquito away from her face and jostled the little headlamp she was wearing.

The sparkles were gone.

When she turned her headlamp back on, the sparkles were there again.

Cautiously, she took a few steps closer, and she realized they weren’t spider *webs*, they were spider *eyes* and now they surrounded her.

The little owl was silent as it snatched her headlamp, and the night engulfed her.

Grace

She choked, sneezed, and sneezed again.

What the hell? How could someone forget how to swallow? Humans did it all day long without even thinking about it. And yet, here she was, choking on her own spit.

Later, she cussed a blue streak, hopping on one foot after stubbing the pinkie toe of the other foot on a wall that she passed seventy-leven times a day. Not a piece of movable furniture. A WALL.

Sardonically, she thought, “That little alien driving my brain better wake the hell up. He’s doing a shitty job.”

And the tiny alien blanched and wept. 

Emergency

 

She strode into the veterinarian’s clinic like she owned the place, her ‘I’d like to speak to the manager’ haircut an unyielding helmet.

“I need to see the doctor, now. It’s an emergency” she demanded.

The young receptionist warily said, “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t see (pause) exotics.”

“My baby hasn’t eaten in days. Can’t you see how listless she is?” the woman’s voice rose with mild hysteria.

The receptionist scurried into the back, then quickly returned. “Yes, ma’am. The doctor will see you in a few minutes.”

“That’s better,” the woman huffed.

She sat down, clutching her venus flytrap.