Urgently Hiring, Old People Need Not Apply

 So, I've been retired now for 43 days; a surprise retirement, shall we say.

And I'm finding out that no one wants a 64-year-old person as their new hire. 

Oh, I'm sure my old age and decrepitude is not the only factor. I'm being a little particular about my potential hours, because I have a farm to run and two Air BnB's to clean and maintain and keep up with. Also, I have fibromyalgia, and I flat cannot keep up with a full-time gig anymore. Therefore, "part time, 2nd shiftish, three days a week" is what I'm looking for. 

I mean, part-time so no one will have to give me benefits. 2nd shift, that weird shift neither morning people or night people want. 

Beyond that, I ain't picky. I've worked on a poultry farm, sold Christmas trees out of the back of a van that smelled of tuna fish, been a teacher's aide, bank teller, busser in a supper club, worked as a florist and a vet tech, all that to say...work is work and I'm not afraid of any of it.

I know it's illegal to discriminate against old people when hiring, but I know it's done, even if unconsciously, and I'm here to tell you the reasons are insane.

Again, no one says it out loud, but I can see it in their faces (and have heard it in private conversations).

"You're in your 60's- you're not going to want to work for long."

"How will you learn anything new?"

"You're over-qualified for this role and I'm suspicious about hiring you."

Here's what I want to say (but I need to make a good impression).

Listen, we are the last generation who found a job and kept it. I was at my last job for 30 years. I took about 4 sick days. Everyone after us *expects* to change jobs about every five years, sometimes less. We. Will. Show. Up. 

I learn new things all the time. I love learning new things. Right this minute, I'm using a computer instead of a chisel on the side of a cave wall. We. Can. Adapt. 

Yes, hiring person, I am over-qualified for (fill in the blank of whatever entry-level job I'm applying for), but that's OK. You know why? Because I need the money, and I'm tired. I'm done trying to lead the pack in the Rat Race, and I'm honestly looking forward to being a tiny cog in the wheel of your business. 

No, I won't get bored and quit. No, I don't want *your* job someday. Because of the grand and hilarious circumstances of Life, I find myself over 60 years old, without a penny in savings, no IRA or investment income, widowed (and because of a laundry list of health problems, there was no life insurance), and with a before-full-retirement-age Social Security check. I'm not going to quit because I need the money. I need the money. That's it. My absolute ulterior motive. I know it's not a lot of money, especially when you see what I made at my last job. I know that. Since I'm pre-full-retirement age, I'm limited to what I can make working outside the home. Give. Me. The. Job.

You won't regret it. 

And I will probably be here after you move on to a different job.